dancing

Sometimes I kick myself because I have made so many mistakes in life, if there was an allowance of stupid things you were allowed to do I think I would have surpassed my quota by now. However, as much I sometimes would like to shake myself, maybe slap myself across the face and tell me to snap out of it, every "stupid thing" becomes a lesson. God has told me lately that I am precious, that I deserve better than what this life has already given me. Actually, I should correct that and say that I have finally heard what God has told me all my life and no longer pay any attention to the nagging little voice that lives off my failures, feeds my insecurities and is only at peace when I am at my lowest. I have found great comfort knowing that God has promised me that he is always with me, he has seen every disappointment and pain and sorrow whilst standing at my side, sometimes whilst cradling me in his arms like a babe and he has shared my triumphs, always having my back. Anni said to me today "you will never leave me will you Mum?" and I said "not if I can help it Anni, but if anything ever kept me away from you it would be alright, wouldn't it?" she just snapped back "yep, cause we'd see each other in heaven". Thank Jesus I am His, that we all are. I nearly lost myself a while ago, would have "sold my soul" for empty promises and something I thought was love and it was an important lesson because I now understand the value of waiting for God to unveil the plans he has for us and to be patient, after how many years of playing this game? I've also learnt that there is no relationship more important than the one I share with Christ, if our relationship is in good stead then I'm ready for tomorrow.

Is there an echo of time with a twist in here?

In 1998 my 2 eldest munchkins went to the cinema to see the animated movie Mulan, my Miss 18, whom at the time was my Miss 6 went along with her elder brother and friends and I waited for them to finish in the Westfield shopping centre at Marion. After the movie we sat down at the coffee lounge for a post movie critique and run down, where Miss 6 announces 'it was really good Mum. The girl that played Mulan was the same girl that was in Pocahontas". I did have to glare at my son whilst asking him sternly to verbally restrain himself for all manner of remarks concerning how daft it is to think that a cartoon character is real, but that one gave him quite a few weeks worth of ammunition against his blonde younger sibling. Well in the spirit of nostalgia I grabbed a copy of Pocahontas for my little girls to watch and it was Miss 8 that piped up and said "Hey Mum, that's the same girl that was in Mulan" the funny thing was that my now Miss 18 actually said a few degrading remarks about Miss 8's comment until I reminded her that a few years ago she had came out with the same logic in reverse.  Bless them, they are the sweetest things.

It's oh so quiet....

Well, the rain has, for a second, subsided. The house is oh so peaceful with the exception of Miss 8's insidious questions and nagging and moaning about no nectarines being left in the fridge, wanting chips but not being able to have them and don't get me started on the comments about how boring rain is, lol. Yesterday I realised just how much more noise she is capable of producing then Miss 4 and Miss 6 when they are left alone together for an entire day, even though house bound. Scary thought, very scary thought. Miss 8 suffers from a switched on brain, she is forever questioning life and wanting to know what is going on and as impatient as I can get with her I should be grateful that she is interested in talking about everything with me and I hope the day when she doesn't feel like sharing her every thought with her Mum is a long way off.
The rain has just started to fall again and so have the complaints, Miss 8 hates this stupid weather, again, for the 100th time in the last hour, ah Lord give me patience.
I am very fortunate to share my bed with 2 little munchkins at night. Yep, I have gone from trying to ease Miss 4 out of my bed to somehow just having Miss 6 join us, don't ask me how that happens but it has. To be honest I kind of feel at peace knowing that they are close to me at night and maybe it's a misplaced kind of nesting thing that I can just gather my little chicks under my arms and sleep peacefully. Although the other night I must have not snuggled in close enough because in the middle of the night there was an almighty noise that happened simultaneously to me seeing Miss 6s' arms and legs, all splayed like a gangly legged spider, sort of flip off the side of the bed. Poor little baby was laying on the floor and I asked her if she were ok, she opened her red little eyes and smiled at me saying "I'm ok, I just hopped off the bed". I was really concerned about her, she made a horrid noise when she hit the floor and yet she just wiped a little bit of drool from the corner of her mouth, gave me a kiss accompanied by a "I love you Mum" and lay down and went back to sleep. It must have given me a bit of a fright because I couldn't just go back to sleep then. I started to think about falling out of bed and falling out of love. Yep, don't ask me why I think these things.
So here goes. You think your in love and you feel a sense of warmth and comfort that helps you sleep at night, sometimes you might need to pull the doona up a little or sleep with the fan on when things get a bit heated, but overall you feel happy to be in your bed. But one restless night, when you get maybe a little close to the edge, you just flip out and hit the floor. Initially it's the sudden shock of not being where you thought you were that wakes you up but as you lay there looking under your bed you see things or yours that have been put out of eyesight, lying under your bed and under a layer of dust. There is an old suitcase, a couple of boxes and a cricket bat, the cricket bat was there just in case anyone ever broke into the house in the middle of the night but it too, thankfully, has attracted a thick film of dust. The suitcase holds the clothes you loved wearing before you were married and a few special occasion pieces too expensive to give away, everything in that suitcase is now 2 sizes too small, well for the moment. In one of those dusty boxes are all the memories of your growing up, photos of holidays spent with your brothers playing by the sea, the school friends that helped you through your teens and still keep in touch along with a thousand moments recorded when you were happy to smile. The other box is full of trophies, some basketball championships but mostly indoor cricket trophies, but on top of all these are the certificates and achievements obtained through study and hard work. Now that you've orientated yourself and realise your on the floor and not on your bed anymore you stand up. Now I guess the secret to knowing if you have fallen out of bed or out of love would be the moment when you stand, look at the person with whom you share your bed and determine if that person holds more joy and happiness, more importance in your life than everything you have stashed under it?
See, there is a reason why I should be sleeping at night. My brain, a little like Miss 8's needs to stop working so hard sometimes.

I love a sunburnt country

Well, 2 days at the pool in a row and despite putting sunscreen on my 8 year old daughter she is now a lovely shade of crimson. Cora has the complexion of a delicate English rose, pale with a blush of pink in her cheeks, well not this week, she looks more like an Aussie bottle brush. Managed to find a long sleeve rash vest to protect her arms and I realistically think it has come down to find something that resembles a burqua in lycra to protect all of her. Do you think the suns rays are just harsher than in past years? As kids we lined up at the gate to be the first in the pool every morning of summer hols, except for church on Saturdays that is, and we were the last kids to be still splashing around when the lifeguard ordered us out so they could shut up shop. Who would have believed that for the price of an annual family swimming pass you could actually pay so little to have other people watch your kids all day. I don't recall every getting badly sun burnt at the pool though, despite not having sunscreen. Sometimes we may have swum in our t'shirts for the day but would lay stretched out on the hot concrete till we stopped shivering so we could dive back into the water for another hour or so before grabbing a bag of chips to nibble. Our Australian sun just seems to be so much harsher than it used to be, or our kids are fairer maybe? At our local pool we have visitors from far away countries that bask on the lawn till they are the colour of red baked bricks, I wonder in future years if their visits to Australia will result in a boom of melanomas in countries relatively free of them up until now?

wow, where does time go?

100 things have happened since I last found my blog, don't ask me how you lose a blog but I did. Seriously need to save it amongst my favorites. Finished and handed in my Psych assignment today, yay! Whoever thought it was a good idea to squeeze an extra unit into my degree over the holidays was seriously deluded about the reality of studying with 4 girls in the house, I am berating myself over this one, unfortunately all fingers point to self.
There was a 2 week blessed window of opportunity when the 3 little girls were meant to be spending a couple of weeks with their dad in Brisbane, only we all know what happened in Queensland over these school holidays and guess where my little munchkins were on the day they were telling everyone that Brisbane was about to have their worse flood in a hundred years? On a public train heading into inner city Brisbane to see the museum and why wouldn't you? Everyone knows what a museum looks like, but seeing one under water is pure history in the making. Thankfully they caught the train back home to higher ground and were fine for the rest of their trip, just house bound and a little frightened.
It was the first time any of them had been on an airplane and a very excited 4 year old did say to me on the phone after their safe arrival "guess what mum? We didn't fall off!" I was very relieved. I was more relieved when they were home again safe and sound, driving to Adelaide and back in one day on 4 hours sleep is not recommended, but there was that whole assignment thing I had going on that I was spending hours on, whose ideas was that again? hmmmm....